Week 3: Is This Anything?

I'm an unapologetic David Letterman fan, at least when it comes to the (now largely irrelevant) late-night wars. Leno is consistently higher in the ratings, but something about Letterman just kills me. Always has and still does, even though he's probably lost a step (or five) in recent years.

One of his recurring bits in recent years, "Is This Anything?" is a perfect example of something Letterman does that shouldn't be funny -- and probably isn't, in reality -- but something that cracks me up nonetheless. The bit is also a strong metaphor for week three of the college football season.

For those who watch Leno, Kimmel or didn't even realize CBS aired programming that doesn't involve Verne Lundquist, here's a two-sentence synopsis of the setup: A screen lifts up and a group of performers does something interesting, inane or something in between. Letterman and Paul Shaffer then discuss whether what they just witnessed was "anything." Observe:



There you have it. After two weeks of I-AA's, the UL-U Pick'em and MACrificial lambs, the curtain is going to go up and a group of performers is going to do something interesting, inane or something in between. We, the college football fans, will have to determine whether what we have just seen is anything. Of course, what we decide will be based off of fleeting glances seen through our imperfect, subjective eyes. But at least it's better than staring at the curtain, wondering whether there's substance to all the hype.

On this week's games, Letterman style.

No. 13 Kansas at No. 19 South Florida
Friday, 8 p.m. EDT, ESPN

Will we see anything? Yes. Imagine racing home on a Friday night to watch Kansas play South Florida. If you had done such a thing in 2002, you'd be labeled a loser and immediately dumped by your significant other, assuming you even had the modicum of social skills required to get one in the first place. Flashforward to 2008. You, college football fan, probably still yell "WOOOOOO!!!! FOOT-BAWW!!!" when confronted with a complex social situation, but you are not a loser for watching this game. Both of these programs have the "burgeoning upstart" lable, but only one will have the opportunity to stay undefeated into October and inspire the obligatory "Is ____ a new power?" stories from lazy football writers. For my money, this team is USF. But I don't gamble. I digress.

No. 23 Cal at Maryland
Saturday, Noon EDT, ESPN

Will we see anything? No. Most people seem to think that Cal will roll Maryland for an easy victory. With apologies to my Terp friends, this wouldn't prove much about Cal given the present state of the ACC and the growing firestorm around Ralph Friedgen. A close Golden Bear victory -- particularly if the game gets sloppy -- might have more to do with jetlag and a 9 a.m. PDT start time. Simply put, short of an outright Maryland victory, we won't learn enough about Cal in this game to make the muddled Pac-10 picture any clearer.

No. 16 Oregon at Purdue
Saturday, 3:30 p.m. EDT, ABC

Will we see anything? Maybe. Staying with a Pac-10-on-the-road theme, Oregon travels to West Lafeyette, presumably to hasten the arrival of the inevitable midseason Boilermaker collapse. (Copyright, Joe Tiller. All rights reserved.) But Purdue has a chance to keep this close, if for no other reason than the homefield advantage and quarterback Curtis Painter. If Oregon handles Purdue, we'll at least know the Ducks are serious about being the best team not named USC on the West Coast. Anything short of that and the jury's still out.

No. 2 Georgia at South Carolina
Saturday, 3:35 p.m. EDT, CBS

Will we see anything? Yes. About both teams. Georgia has the most brutal schedule in the nation from here on out, and they'll need to look like a menacingly efficient killing machine for me to believe they can navigate it without one or even two-plus losses. They need to dispose of the Gamecocks and look smooth doing it. South Carolina, on the other hand, needs to show that its not going to roll over and die following its upset loss to Vanderbilt. The Gamecocks don't need to win, but they need to show some fight -- along with something resembling consistent quarterback play -- to prove that this won't be just another "would-be breakout year." With the stakes high for both sides, we should get to see both teams at full throttle (well, hopefully, in South Carolina's case).

Michigan at Notre Dame
Saturday, 3:43 p.m. EDT, NBC

Will we see anything? No. If only becuase neither of these teams IS anything at this point. Two months from now? Maybe. But both teams are still such mysteries that a strong showing by either won't necessarily prove a readiness to exit the wilderness and rejoin college football's elite. This should be the most lackluster meeting between these two teams in a long, long time. Is it still too late for NBC to pick up Utah-San Diego State?

No. 5 Ohio State at No. 1 USC
Saturday, 8 p.m. EDT, ABC

Will we see anything? Oh goodness, yes. I still believe that this contest will be a de facto elimination game. The loser, while still being favored for a BCS berth via a conference title, should be all but out of the running for a "national title." This is particularly true for Ohio State -- for well-documented reasons that shall be left unsaid -- but barring a repeat of 2007, even the Trojans will be hard-pressed to convince poll voters to forget a loss in its lone marquee non-conference game. (Please note that Virgnia and Notre Dame do NOT qualify as marquee oponents.) Even if we learn nothing about either team, we still should, by default, know a lot more about the national landscape by Sunday morning.

No. 10 Wisconsin at No. 21 Fresno State
Saturday, 10:30 p.m. EDT, ESPN2

Will we see anything? Yes and no. Yes for Wisconsin, winning a night game in Fresno -- by any means and final score -- would be an impressive accomplishment. The Badgers don't have to look good, just survive. For Fresno, no. Certainly beating a ranked Wisconsin team would be a feather in the Bulldogs' collective cap, but we've seen that movie before. Besides, Fresno has yet to win an outright WAC title under Pat Hill, much less make a realistic run at the BCS. The road to doing so this year is fraught with peril, and Wisconsin is just step number two on that journey. Don't get me wrong, a win would announce the Bulldogs to the nation as a team to be reckoned with. But they have zero margin for error nationall and in the WAC, meaning we might not get a final opinion on this team's fortunes until a November 28 trip to Boise.