With Penn State athletic director Timothy M. Curley, head football coach Joe Paterno and Johnny Tightlips, assistant athletic director for stonewalling and obfuscution.
State College, Pa., July 30, 2008
CURLEY: Good morning and thank you all for coming. The Pennsylvania State University has a long and proud football tradition. In the classroom and locker room, on the field and off, the Nittany Lions strive for excellence. Recently, various media reports -- most notably a segment on ESPN's Outside the Lines television program -- have highlighted various legal problems of Penn State football players. Our atheltic department takes these reports seriously and has called this press conference today to address the issues that have been raised.
I will turn the floor over to head football coach Joe Paterno in just a moment, but first I'd like to introduce the latest addition to our athletic staff, Mr. Johnny Tightlips, who comes to Happy Valley following a long career in television. Mr. Tightlips has been hired to fill a newly created position, assistant athletic director for stonewalling and obfuscution. Effective immediately, Mr. Tightlips will be handling all media inquiries regarding the football program. Jeff Nelson, assistant athletic director for communications, will remain with the athletic department as a special advisor.
Mr. Tightlips will now read a prepared statement. Johnny, the floor is yours.
TIGHTLIPS: We ain't sayin' nothin'.
CURLEY: Thank you Mr. Tightlips. I'd now like to turn the floor over to head football coach Joe Paterno. After Mr. Paterno speaks, we'll open the floor for questions, time permitting. Coach...
PATERNO: F*** you.
(Long pause, glances around room at assembled media.)
Yeah, that's right, I'm lookin' at you, Sissy McPress-man. F*** you and f*** all of you.
CURLEY: Thank you, Joe. I will now open the floor to your questions.
(A circus erupts in the media room as reporters shout questions over one another.)
Coach Paterno! Coach Paterno! Jim Rogleman, Reading Eagle. Numerous individuals both inside and outside the Penn State community have charged that you've lost control of this program. How do you respond?
PATERNO: They're liars. What else do you want me to say? They're liars.
TIGHTLIPS: Tell 'em to suck on a lemon.
Mr. Tightlips! Ron Wisselmann, Philadelphia Enquirer, thank you for meeting with us today. Can you answer, yes or no, did Coach Paterno know of the text message allegedly sent to the Penn State football team instructing players not to talk to authorities?
TIGHTLIPS: Maybe he did, maybe he didn't.
That's not an answer, sir. Have you ever seen Coach Paterno send a text message?
TIGHTLIPS: I see a lot of things.
CURLEY: Ron, I'm going to have to cut you off there. We're just about out of time and can probably take one more question.
Coach Paterno, Barry Smizok, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Will the recent negative publicity have any impact on your future? To put it another way, does this bring you any closer to retiring to spend more time with your family?
PATERNO: Let me spell it out for you. F - U - C ...
TIGHTLIPS: Who says he's got a family?
CURLEY: Alright, folks. That's all we have time for today. Again, media inquiries will now go through Mr. Tightlips. His information will be on the Web site by this afternoon. Thank you again for attending and we'll look forward to seeing you all in Happy Valley this fall!
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